i am very pissed, and completely immature for feeling this, but WHY exactly does that guy get an email sent around congratulating him on an award, but I do not get an email sent around about a WAY BIGGER AND MORE PRESTIGIOUS award? This is a very very petty thing to be annoyed about but I kind of feel like, hey, I have to check my email ever so often and read about other peoples' stupid accomplishments, WHY SHOULDN'T THEY HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT MINE?

in other news, my life is totally charmed and i am a soulless bitch for even bothering to complain about this. But i can bitch about anything!

ahem. *tap tap* this thing on?

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A STEP BACK AND, LITERALLY, FUCK YOURSELF IN THE FACE

you retarded asshole of a manchild. you 'have stuff on your plate too'? you 'don't understand' what my problem is?

I am sick to death of your feigned confusion about what I try to tell you I feel. It is NOT that mysterious. It is predictable: you act like a jerk, I get upset.

Do you know who you remind me of? My fucking MOTHER. My mother who sucks at everything but always defends herself with, "I can't help it!" or "I'm doing the best I can!"

Well, FUCK THAT, you lazy selfish tard. You are the worst friend in the history of friendship. No other relationship in my entire life is this one-sided and unfulfilling. This is a complete waste of time and I'm not doing it anymore.

this is really really really really really really really hard.

i have spent my whole life preparing for hard.

BRING IT

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

I just spent the last two weeks sleeping with your boyfriend. It was pretty fun.

Would it kill you

to do the fucking dishes?!

stop stealing my life

okay i know your favorite activities are

a) talking a lot
b) talking about yourself
c) talking about shit i don't care about
d) impressing people by endless talking

but please for the love of god, stop stealing things that I've said in conversations we've had and saying them to other people. in front of me. it's my life. i'm the one who thought of what you're saying and said it to you at some point. and, i said it much more elegantly and smartly. because i'm much more elegant and smart than you are. so either get it right or, you know what, just stop stealing my material. jesus!

Fudging STOP calling me at noon and asking me first thing if I am awake yet. This is why we have not had a pleasant conversation in a few months. You have done this the past eighteen times I have talked to you on the phone, and every time you start the conversation with an insult that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that you think I am in college and I sleep until noon every day and that DRIVES ME CRAZY AND MAKES ME WANT TO HANG UP ON YOU. I am NOT IN COLLEGE. THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT, BLUURGH

Other things I would love for you to stop saying to me:

*At least you're almost done with school! Soon you won't have to work this hard anymore because you'll have that degree!

*At least you're almost done with school! You've been in school since you were 4 years old, you need a break!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I'm not "almost done with school" and even when I am, I sure as shit won't be "taking a nice break" from using my brain. I'm pretty sure that working in the real world is even more demanding than being in school. Sheesh.

The Temptress Knocks at My Door

I was going to write a half thought out poem but deleted it instead and I feel soooo much better :)