It’s not that “your” theories are out there that bugs the shit out of me. I mean, who am I to say? You could be right. You’re probably just as right as anyone for all I know. The thing that kills me is the awkward relish with which you espouse others’ claims. It doesn’t help that in your manic sermonizing, you get simple grammar and technical language wrong. I’ve heard this shit once and already I know more about it than you, but you don’t see me making a buffoon of myself. Fuck. And somehow it took watching you confront someone else with your shit for it to really hit me. Your defensive posturing. Almost aggressive. Twitchy. You sputtering imbecile! You’ve never once been able to engineer the word “furthermore” into a sentence and everyone listening to you use it now can tell. What, you read one book and you feel like you’re allowed to say “paradigm shift” whenever you want? Learn to speak in the past tense first, buddy. What? Examples? You need examples?: You said “costed” the other day. “Costed”! For fuck’s sake! I wouldn’t have believed anyone could say that if I hadn’t witnessed it myself. Fucking shut up and save us all the embarrassment. I mean that’s the worst part, that I feel embarrassed for you. I can’t correct you, not here in front of these people. I’m making the least eye contact and probably listening the closest, but you’re doing nothing to warrant a lifeline here. At this point, I want to see you drown.

Oh yes, sweet God in heaven thank you. He fucking walked out! Did you see that? Your would-be convert walked away! Just like that! Just, “Oh, I gotta go.” Not even a “take care.” I always get a “take care and God bless.” Flipmode Bitch!