My Vagina Is On Strike

In the last month my vagina has cavernously and mysteriously disappeared two different condoms off my partner's weiner, forcing me to take the morning after pill two different times in my last two menstrual cycles. Also forcing me to send a reconaissance team of fingers all the way up to my damned uterus to retrieve each of them.

I think it is mad about the condom thing, because the other day I accidentally peed a little on the bathroom rug because I wasn't paying attention to how hard I was peeing in the toilet and I shifted how I was sitting.

Shhhhhh. I am going to tell people it was the cat if they ask.