brllaaaggh

smooth and tall and dark and even and i still can't shake it although i know it's not really that at all, couldn't be, it wasn't that great and certainly didn't teach me much, but what if i'm just that afraid of what i know is real? so afraid that the mind latches on, shakes its jaws like an animal and it's suddenly not about the real but instead all about distraction, the ultimate form of self-punishment and it's about time i learned to stop hurting myself, i'm having happiness served to me on a platter and all i can think about is this meaningless smooth tall dark evenness and this feeling better go away right quick because it makes no sense